How not to be shy around girls – this is a million-dollar question for most men. A good number of men want to strike a conversation with girls, but are too shy to do it. Fortunately, the answer is not out of reach. It is possible to overcome shyness and – contrary to common belief – it does not take too much effort, either.
However, before you look up methods that will help you lose your shyness, you need to understand causes it. Understanding the underlying reasons will help you eliminate this problem quickly and completely.
Why Men Feel Shy Around Women – Top 5 Reasons
Shyness in men could be caused by many factors. It is important that these reasons are identified and analyzed, so it becomes easy to counter them. The top 5 reasons are:
- Past Experience– “Everyone is the sum total of past experiences” – Kelley Armstrong. Whatever happened in the past molded us in certain ways. Some made us stronger, more vulnerable, more careful, and so on. If the women in your life were always strong and domineering, you might not be comfortable approaching one romantically because of the sub-conscious image about women in your mind. This is also true if you were earlier rejected by girls you liked, and the rebuff hurt badly. No one wants to hurt again.
- Fear of Rejection– this is, perhaps, the biggest reason men shy away from talking to women. Nobody likes rejection – men, even more, because positive response from women is seen as a macho attribute, while rejection is the attribute for losers. This intensifies when you are around the woman you are attracted to, because rejection from her would devastate you; hence, your fear increases, which in turn can make you shy and awkward around her.
- Inexperience– we all have been there. When you face something new, you do not know what to do, and you are a little afraid that you might do it wrong and become the butt of other people’s jokes. “What should I ask her? How can I start a conversation with her? How can I make her like me?” These are all questions you’d like answered before approaching a girl.
- Low Self-Esteem– “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on.” – Maxwell Maltz. If your self-esteem is low, you’d be afraid to approach women, because you believe they will not find you worth talking to.
- Low Self-Confidence– “Success is most often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable.” – Coco Chanel. Similar to low self-esteem, the feeling you cannot succeed will prevent you from approaching and talking with women.
When you believe you cannot, you actually cannot – and this sets a vicious circle of failure. Believe in yourself before you do anything, even approaching/ interacting with women.
How Not To Be Shy Around Girls – Tips and Tricks
There is no one size fits all remedy you can take and become Superman overnight. So the first thing you need to internalize is there is no miracle step or cure that’ll change you from a frog to prince with a kiss. This is a gradual process; it requires the three Ps – patience, practice and perseverance.
The second thing you need to do – and perhaps, the most important of all – is to tell yourself you have decided to get there. “The journey of 1,000 miles starts with a single step.” – Lao Tzu. This is your 1,000 step journey; start with that one tiny step, and you are 999 steps closer to your destination. Follow he steps described below and you will get there quick enough:
To know how to behave and talk with women, you need to gain experience; and to gain experience, you need to practice. What better way to practice than testing your skills with your women friends? Do it. Talk with women.
You won’t need all of them linked with you romantically, but just talking with them will put you at ease around them and gradually you will get to know how to start and maintain a conversation with them.
The bonus is that you could always ask your (girl)friends’ advice on how to approach the girl of your dreams. They’ll be happy to lend you a helping hand.
Know That It’s Normal to Be Shy
Everyone is a little nervous when they do something where the outcome is important to them. An interview will make you nervous, because you want the job; an exam, giving a speech, etc.
This is because you want to win, and you don’t know what will come your way or how you will score. It’s normal to be a little apprehensive. Recognize that it is normal to be a little shy around women, because you want them to like you. There is nothing wrong with that.
Prepare Yourself for “No”
“If you expect nothing, you’re apt to be surprised. You’ll get it.” – Malcolm Forbes. When you ask a question – any question, and that is not only when you ask a woman for a coffee or first date – be prepared for “NO.” She may say “NO” for many reasons. She could be not-in-the-mood, have a boyfriend, be upset about something, etc. Do not take it personally. You can either try again some other time or look for another girl.
Boost Your Self-Esteem
If you suffer from low self-esteem, know that it building it takes time. The good news is that, once you identify and accept the problem, the remedy works well and quickly. A few quick steps:
- Talk positively to yourself and work hard at eliminating all negative self-talk, such as, “Oh! I am an idiot”, “I am totally hopeless”, “I hate myself”, etc. Instead, say “I am wonderful”, “I am worthy of love”, “I made a mistake. So what. I am gaining experience.” Talking positive will gradually push away the negative self-beating thoughts, and you will pick up on the self-esteem.
- Dress to kill – this does not mean you should wear only designer clothes or a three-piece tux. It means you wear clothes that make you feel good. When you think you look great in your clothes, you automatically feel good, and when you feel good about yourself, your confidence will go up, too.
- Learn the skill – to some people, it comes naturally. It’s no problem if that doesn’t happen to you. You can learn the skill of talking to a woman. There are plenty of coaching classes on how to approach a woman and win her attention. Most are free and online, so nothing should stop you from learning.
- Become an Expert – find something you love to do and become the best at that one thing. Knowing that you are the best in your field, combined with the pleasure you get by doing something you like, will redefine you. The moment you know and feel it in your bones, you are “a master” – does not matter at what – you will become confident and very attractive to women.
Find Your Dream and Fix Your Life’s Goal
You’ll think this has nothing to do with how not to be shy around girls, but you’re wrong. A man who has defined his goal becomes confident and focused. When you feel good about yourself, it will show in the way you talk, walk, and behave. And that confidence is what women find totally irresistible.