Are you worried about how to hold an interesting conversation with your girlfriend? Don’t worry, you are not alone. The good news however, is that it’s not as hard as you’d think.
You may have watched the famous hit movie, “Notting Hill”, where Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) tells William (Hugh Grant), “I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” This says it all. Although “men are from Mars and women are from Venus” in the way they think and behave, the basics are the same.
Women, like men, desire to be loved and cherished by someone. Every woman out there is searching for THE ONE who can love her for what she is and cherish her for who she is.
- 1 How to talk with girls – 10 expert tips
- 1.1 1. Let her do most of the talking
- 1.2 2. Keep the spotlight on her
- 1.3 3. Be gallant and chivalrous
- 1.4 4. Shower her with compliments
- 1.5 5. Stay away from anything that is crude or gross
- 1.6 6. Find Common Ground
- 1.7 7. Ask her about her dreams
- 1.8 8. Talk about favorite books and authors
- 1.9 9. Talk about yourself
- 1.10 10. Ask her about her native place
- 2 How to keep a conversation going: 7 Secrets that make a conversation interesting
How to talk with girls – 10 expert tips
The first thing you need to remember is, be yourself. At times, in your hurry to make an impression on the girl you like, you tend to take a shortcut and emulate people you admire. While this might work like magic initially, the end result of this quick-fix method is counterproductive. She will feel betrayed when she will find that you have not been the real you and she would move away from you.
It is therefore important, that you always be your original self. She should like you for who you are, and the way you are. If she falls in love with the guy you are projecting, what do you think will happen when she finds out the real you? It is not too difficult to get a conversation going. Here are 10 expert tips that will guide you how to talk to a girl you like and get her to like you, too.
1. Let her do most of the talking
Often men are comfortable around girls in general, but when they come in front of the girl they like, they become tongue-tied and awkward. This is normal with most people, even girls. You want so much to make a good impression, yet you end up doing the exact opposite.
If this is the case with you, try focusing on your breath when you feel the anxiety building up from within. Breath in deeply and keep the conversation at the minimum. Instead, let her do the talking. Ask her open-ended questions, and listen to her attentively.
2. Keep the spotlight on her
What do you talk about with a girl? The best is to focus on her. Start with light comments on something she wears. You could comment on her handbag or other matching accessories, hairdo, nail polish color and style, and so on, and build the conversation from there. Give her unblinking attention. Drink in every word she says, and be liberal with compliments wherever appropriate.
3. Be gallant and chivalrous
Most women today, support and promote equality and equity of both genders; however, not even the hard core feminist can resist the charm of a man who holds the door open for her, who stands up when she stands up at the table, who pays the bills, holds an open umbrella for her, etc.
Chivalry and gallantry will never go out of fashion. Even the most modern girl of the 21st century would melt at such gestures. Women love to be pampered and cared for.
In their heart of hearts, women want to know and feel they are (or would be) the No.1 priority in their man’s life – also No.2, 3 and 4; the rest – your work, family, friends, hobbies, car – would be No. 5 and onwards.
When you behave like a gentleman, you are conveying, without words, that you are a man who respects women in general and her, in particular. In a world where men take women for granted, exploit them, and treat them as play things, this is a quality that would set you apart.
Being polite, kind, suave, charming, and courteous are signs of maturity and greatness in a man. In a world of where money and power seems to be the only social currency, the qualities that define a gentleman are highly appreciated.
4. Shower her with compliments
Among the things that she will enjoy hearing is your genuine appreciation. Learn to pick up things about her – looks, way she talks/ laughs/ holds her head and pay her compliments. Be careful that it sounds genuine. Women know when you are telling the truth or trying to flatter her. Flattery does go too well with most women as they become distrustful about your motives.
There is plenty to appreciate about her. Complement her on her eyes, nail polish art, earrings, color theme of the clothes she’s wearing, the way she did anything (studied in college, works, brushed her hair off her face, how she smiles, how she holds her pen, and so on) etc.
When you pay her a compliment, don’t dwell on it, unless she comments on it. The best compliments are drizzled through a conversation to get her heart warmed-up toward you. This will let her know that side-by-side with listening to her, you are also observing her, and you like what you see.
5. Stay away from anything that is crude or gross
Most men find jokes about bowel movement, farts and other similar things hilarious; women find such jokes gross. It is important that you come across as a thorough gentleman, and a gentleman never swears, or talks crudely, at least, in front of a lady.
It is as important to know what is acceptable and what is not when you talk in the presence of a woman. This is seen as basic manners and any deviation can put off the girl for good.
Pay attention to the overall etiquette in her presence
- Don’t keep chewing gum, when talking to a girl;
- When you walk with her, don’t put your hands in pockets;
- Don’t speak with your mouth full;
- Don’t interrupt her while she is talking;
- Don’t talk or laugh loudly if you’re in public places;
- Don’t swear in front of her;
- Respect waiters and any other serving staff;
- Be courteous, especially to people who serve you;
- Keep the smartphone away, while you are in her company;
- Hold the door open for her;
- Pick the tab for dinner, even if she insists that she pays;
- Leave a generous tip, and so on.
6. Find Common Ground
It’s important that you find common ground as soon as possible in the conversation. The common ground will help you know her better while keeping the conversation interesting for her. Make a mental note about her likes, but be even more careful about her dislikes.
It’s important that she feels you are paying attention to her as a person, and not a plaything. Do not be tempted to project yourself as something you are not. It is important that she likes you for who you are and not someone that you project to be.
In case you feel you lack in certain aspects (such as dancing, sense of humor, confidence, etc.) you can always work on improving in this areas. She will love you all the more when you accept your weaknesses.
Try working on the areas that score big with her. Say, if she loves dancing and you are not too good at it, take classes to become a better dancer. She will be mightily impressed about the effort you put it especially for her.
7. Ask her about her dreams
Everyone has dreams. Some go after their dreams while others wait for the “right time”. Ask her what about dreams; whether she had the chance to pursue them or had to shelve them while doing other things that required her immediate attention.
Ask her what she planned to do or become when she was a child? What is she doing to help realizing her dreams?
When she talks about her dreams, resist the temptation of suggesting solutions or changes. Just listen attentively. In case you could help her in anything, offer your assistance. If not, just listen with rapt attention and comment when appropriate.
A good topic of discussion is books. Everyone has a favorite book and author. You could ask her what she liked when she was a child; what book impressed her most; what is her favorite author; what book of her favorite author is the best; and so on.
On similar lines you could talk about her favorite stars and movies, music and singer, etc.
9. Talk about yourself
Tell her about yourself; where you are from, your childhood memories, you lifestyle, you dreams, your fears, etc. In this way you are letting her know who you really are. Women love a man who has nothing to hide.
10. Ask her about her native place
Everyone loves the memories childhood location brings about. Ask where she grew up and how and allow her to describe her childhood memories. Whenever you get an opening, pick up a thread form her narrative and intertwine it with memories from your childhood.
How to keep a conversation going: 7 Secrets that make a conversation interesting
You have succeeded starting a conversation with the girl you like. How do you keep it going and interesting? To keep a conversation going you need to build bridges to the next topic. This is like throwing a log into a dying camping fire. Whenever you feel that the conversation is slowing down or stalling use these types of bridges to keep going.
Tell me more about …
Start with this line on anything she talks about with interest. You could talk about her fears, car that she drives, the color of her nail polish, last book that she read, her dreams, her parents, her cat – anything at all, which seems to interest her. Asking her more about the topic would show her that you are interested and keep the conversation building as well. Stay keen and you will plenty of opportunities to build the conversation further with the information she shares with you while answering this question.
How did you learn about this …
When she talks about anything she has done, ask her how she learnt about it. Let us say, she is talking about Karma, her cat, her job, her area of expertise, etc. Ask her, “You are so knowledgable on _____ (the topic of reference). How did you learn about this?” Asking her details about things she is talking about animatedly would definitely trigger a long-winded explanation and keep the conversation interesting and rolling.
What is the best part of …
You can attach this question to any part of the conversation. Suppose she talks about a book that she just read, you could ask her, “So, what is the best part of this book, in your opinion?”. Suppose she talks to you about her job – “So, what is the best part of this job?” Suppose she talks animatedly about Fluffy, her cat – “This cat sounds interesting. Tell me, what is the best part of having cat?” and so on. This question will tell her you are interested in what she is saying and score double brownie points for you.
How did you get into …
This is a golden line as it can build inroads into any conversation, at any time. Let us say she is talking about her keen interest in wine/ area of work/ reading/ travel/ particular destination – you can always ask her, “How did you get into knowing so much about wine?” or “This is very impressive. How did you get into travelling at so young an age?”
Since this is a favorite subject she will be happy to tell you her story and you could build the conversations further with little nudges here and there. You could also tell her your story in the context of what she is telling you, but when you do, keep it as short as possible. Remember, allowing her to talk would make her feel good about you; at the same time, you will have the opportunity to learn more about her.
What has been your biggest challenge in …
Whenever you get her talking about any particular achievement in her personal or professional life, land this conversation building question. Wherever there is an important achievement, there is a beautiful story about challenges that have been overcome. Get her talk about her challenges in her childhood, school, landing a job, making a name in her profession, etc. This question will match almost every facet of life; you have a conversation gold mine here.
Match the experience with something similar that happened in your life, and bingo – you are on common ground.
What do you think about …
Let us say she is talking about her favorite star, food, cat, job, dreams, and so on. You can seize the opportunity to get the ball rolling further with this question. Say, she is talking about her favorite star; you can ask her, “This star is indeed special. I like him, too. What do you think about Johnny Depp?” or she is talking about her cat, and you can her, “Yes, I know cats can make most wonderful pets. What do you think about dogs as pets?”
Asking her opinion shows that you appreciate her intellect and at the same time you will have the conversation rolling smoothly and pleasantly on – one stone, two birds down.
Have you ever tried …
When she talks about something that she likes or dislikes, you can easily push the conversation further with this question. Say, she talks about traveling as a hobby. You can ask her, “Have you ever tried eco-travel?” Or, let us say she is talking about the challenges at her work/ personal life. You could ask her, “This sounds quite stressful. Have you ever tried pranayamma or yoga to reduce the levels of your stress?”
Whether she has tried or not, you get a new twist in your conversation. This will give you the opportunity to talk about something that might be helpful to her, which will definitely score brownie points with her.
The knack of keeping the conversation going is focusing on what she likes to talk about and getting her to talk more about it. If you are listening to what she is saying attentively, you will get plenty of hooks where you could hang these conversational bridges and keep it interesting.
Remember to share some insights about you as well, especially where you seem to share same interests. It is important that you allow her a glimpse into who you are during these conversations. This will give her a feeling of familiarity, which given enough time and nurturing will turn into liking, and then love.