The importance of open and healthy communication in a relationship cannot be overstated. A relationship where channels of communication are open is an indication of the degree of trust and commitment that the man and woman have for each other. It also becomes easier for those in the relationship to identify issues, if there are any, that threaten to undermine the integrity of such relationship.
Maintaining an open line of communication between partners is not easy. There are factors that make it difficult to talk things out. Being able to talk freely to your girlfriend takes time, commitment, and hardwork. More importantly, you must have a sincere desire to make your relationship succeed.
Barriers to communication
Before enumerating some of the things to talk about with your girlfriend, it is vital to first lay out the challenges or barriers to open and free communication.
First among these is the tendency of most men to refuse to talk. Unlike women, men tend to put up a protective shield, refusing to talk about things that they feel would expose their weaknesses, such as their emotions or feelings.
Many boyfriends also find it awkward to indulge in long conversations with their girlfriends. This is partly because of the fact that men’s social upbringing has taught them that being quiet is more manly as opposed to being open.
On both occasions, communication is difficult to achieve because men are afraid of opening up and offending the other party.
Other factors that may affect communication in a relationship include distance, such as when the bf and gf live far away from each other, and time, such as when the boy and girl have barely any free time in their packed schedules to meet up and be together physically.
That being said, these challenges are not insurmountable and can in fact be resolved if those in the relationship commit themselves to addressing them head-on.
How to start a conversation with your girlfriend
Sometimes, even if the desire to communicate is present, it can be particularly difficult for a man to start the conversation with the woman, mainly because of the inability to identify topics to talk about with your girlfriend.
The key to spending some quality time talking with your loved one is not to try too hard. Be spontaneous and natural. Keep it flowing and easygoing. Of course, it is possible to take the conversation to a topic that you want to talk about, but be subtle in doing so. After all, nothing kills the interest to keep talking more than the feeling that you are being interviewed by a robot.
Begin with the most obvious: her passions and interests. Women can sometimes be complicated because they seem to be doing a lot of things at the same time, and so it may be a little hard to identify which among these things is the one they are interested in the most. The easiest way to find out is by asking.
People like to talk about themselves, and so it is important for the bf to provide an easy way for his gf to open up and talk. A woman would naturally have a lot to say about things she is interested in, emotionally or physically, so focus on those things.
A great way on how to start a conversation with your girlfriend is by asking her how she is doing. If it’s the beginning of the day, ask what her plans are for the rest of the day. If it’s late at night, ask her how her day has been so far. It is these basic questions that normally lead to other topics that you can turn into the subject of your conversation.
A bad experience from her boss at work, for example, is likely to gain sympathetic nods from you because everyone has had a monster boss experience at one point or another. So from this, you can comfort her by chipping in your own experience, how you dealt with it, and how you managed to get over it.
The important thing is to listen to what your girlfriend is saying. Pick up clues because women sometimes have the tendency not to be upfront about everything. They prefer to drop hints instead because women sometimes like to be mysterious.
Banking on mutual interests
Mutual interests can likewise be one of the topics to talk about with your girlfriend. When there are things that you and your girlfriend share a mutual liking for, bank on those things as reliable ice breakers. There is logic to this because as someone interested in, say, a certain film director, you can talk about this director’s works and upcoming projects with ease and confidence. Similarly, you can expect the girl to be just as interested to chip in her own thoughts and views.
Some of the things that you and your gf may share mutual interests in are movies, books, music, food, and sports. Pop culture is rich in topics that you can talk about. This is particularly true with the fast-changing trends and movements brought about by the Internet. Surely, with this wealth of things to look at or read or watch, even a video call can be just as engaging as an actual face to face conversation.
Seeking for advice
Each conversation you have with your girlfriend serves as one of the building blocks of your relationship. Quality conversations make for a very sturdy foundation. So apart from exchanging trivia or asking how her day was, another thing that you can do is asking her for advice.
When women seek advice from men, they do so with the expectation that the latter will give them the best advice designed to best serve their interests. By asking for advice, women validate their trust and faith in you.
However, it’s a totally different thing if it’s only the girl who constantly asks for advice and the boy does not. This gives the girl the impression that she is being too dependent on you, or that her opinion regarding your own problems does not matter.
You can remedy this situation by seeking her advice if you have your own problems to deal with as one of the things to talk about with your girlfriend. Asking her take on a problem indicates that you trust her opinion and that you believe in her ability to seek your best interest in good times or bad.
What lies ahead
The future is a topic that needs to be talked about as well. While it is important to focus on the present and enjoy whatever it is that you and your girlfriend have at present, talking about the future is also just as important. Without dwelling on things like marriage or children or home mortgage, knowing how to start a conversation with your girlfriend about her future or your future together as a couple provides an opportunity to talk.
The future can either be the immediate days ahead or it can be decades from now. Ask her how she sees herself in, say, five or ten years. Ask her to talk about how she wants her career to go, where she wants to travel, or what she intends to devote her time to.
At the same time, talk about your own thoughts about the future, too. What do you aspire to achieve? How do you envision your life in a couple of years? How do you wish to be remembered?
Of course, talking about the future can either be an enlightening or a fearful experience, but the insights and questions that could arise from there can serve as a great starting point to have a really good understanding or appreciation for your partner.
What not to talk about
Knowing topics to talk about with your girlfriend should be coupled with the knowledge of what not to talk about, too. There are certain subjects that are considered taboo, even for those in a romantic or intimate relationship.
For example, sexual fetishes may be an acceptable topic for married couples, but maybe not so much for those who are still dating. Bitterness about past relationships and exes is likewise considered dangerous territory. Talking about politics and religion are fine as long as measures are taken to keep the conversation from getting too inflamed. It is critical to have a feel of the mood, the tone of your girlfriend’s speech, and other circumstances to know if these things to talk about with your girlfriend are even worth pursuing. A good way to settle the score is by agreeing to disagree and to respect each other’s views, even if contrary from each other.
In the end, the most important thing about having an open communication with your girlfriend is to understand as much about her as you do about yourself. After all, the knowledge, emotional connection, and stronger bond that are forged by these constant episodes of communication with your gf are what make any given relationship worth keeping and fighting for.